Curtains Episode 4!

This is the loosely written script for the fourth episode of “Curtains,” a mockumentary sitcom (you can read the third episode here). In this episode the curtains crew takes “Sweetney Todd” into the city for opening night. I really like Charlotte in this one. There are more emotional-type moments that I’m hoping come off genuine and not too hallmarky or trite. But anyways yeah, hope it’s enjoyable.

OPENING NIGHT

Open on theatre crew gathered in costume and makeup room, Charlotte making announcements

Charlotte: Today’s the day people. Not only is it opening night for Sweetney (makes small woop! sound), it’s also our first show in the big city.

Crew cheers

Charlotte: Roger? Have you thrown up yet?

Zoom on Roger

Roger: You know I think I’ll be okay

Charlotte: You sure? This is the city.

Roger: Cool as a cucumber. Wearing sunglasses, smoking a cig, that cucumber.

Roger in interview (wide eyed): I haven’t eaten in 26 hours. Pretty sure everything’s out of me.

Charlotte: Okay, Amelia? Elliot? How my stars doing?

Elliot: Twinkly as ever kid. Here’s looking at all of you. We’ll always have the makeup room (winks at camera).

Amelia: Oh you know, the best anyone could expect me to be

Charlotte nods and approaches Amelia, kneels down before her

Charlotte: Amelia, do you want me to slap you?

Amelia: No?

Charlotte: No, dumb question. You don’t ask someone if they want you to stab them.

Amelia: Stab?

Charlotte: Did I say stab? Oh–(forced laugh), well you know potato potahto

Amelia: It’s not

Charlotte: Point is, you’re fucking awesome. And you not believing it is driving me up the damn wall.

Amelia: Sorry

Charlotte: No, you’re not. Why would you be sorry for who you are? That’s like the president apologizing for…freedom

Shot of Kate smiling in the next row

Charlotte: And when you take a bow today, people are not gonna know when to stop clapping. We’re gonna need some damn handcuffs up in there just to get things quiet again.

Amelia gives small laugh and nods

Charlotte: And if you don’t stop doubting yourself I’m gonna slapstab you.

Charlotte in interview: Am I nervous? Yes. Am I scared? Of course. But do I doubt the quality of our production? ….A little bit.

Cut to crew walking through downtown towards theatre, Kate and Jason in back

Kate: I’m glad you came with us, I was nervous about tonight

Jason: Why?

Kate: I don’t know I mean, it’s my first official night as a stagehand you know? The big time.

Jason: You’ll do great.

Kate: I don’t even know why I’m worried. Pulling the curtain back is basically all I do.

Jason: It’s an important job

Kate: True, I make those actors look good.

Jason: You make them fundamentally visible!

Cut to Roger and Riley

Roger: You’re gonna kill it tonight

Riley: Those costumes are stunning!

Roger: You’re the backbone of this operation, Riley coyote

Riley: Stuhhhnniiiinnnggg!

Roger in interview: Before a show Riles and I like to give each other a compliment barrage as an emotional warmup….sometimes it gets competitive.

Roger: Couldn’t ask for a better stagehand

Riley: Have you seen your costumes? They’re a damn vision.

Roger: You’re the best stagehand in the world.

Riley: What did we say about the ‘best in the world’ thing? It’s not fair, you can’t top it.

Roger: I know, I know…but you are. So I win.

Cut to theatre, where city theatre manager is waiting for them in entry area

Charlotte: Isabelle! So nice to see you again.

Isabelle: Charlotte! It is SO nice to see you again. Hear you’ve got quite a show for us tonight.

Charlotte: You know I don’t think I’m exaggerating one tiny bit by saying it’s going to be the best production your theatre has ever shown.

Isabelle: Well, I’m excited to see what makes you so confident.

Charlotte: Well, I’m excited to show you what makes me so confident.

Isabelle: Well, I echo that.

Charlotte: I shout it into a cave with infinite reverb.

Isabelle (nods awkwardly): Okay.

Zoom on Charlotte’s forced smile

Charlotte in interview: Isabelle and I have always had this sort of underlining rivalry, that just sort of underlines all our interactions…she’s always been just a little better. Better grades in college, better reviews of her plays, better marriage and kids in that she has those things at all…in ancient Greece I’m sure we would have fought to the death over something trivial….in a porno we would definitely have enemy sex

Cut to Riley approaching concession stand, where boy around her age (Evan)  is sitting slouched behind counter reading comic book

Riley: Hey

Evan: Hey,  what snacking fantasy can I make come true for you today?

Riley: Let’s see…could you mix peanuts and milk duds in a popcorn tub, fill the tub with caramel and stick little straws into the glaze like flags?

Evan: The PMD moon landing special? No prob.

Cut to Kate and Jason in empty auditorium, sitting in back row

Jason: Man just look at that curtain

Kate: Gonna be a tough job

Jason: I believe in you

Pause

Kate: You think you’re gonna like your new job?

Jason (pause): I don’t know, sometimes I think about all the possible versions of myself out there you know, who are like, doing cooler things…and I feel like maybe I just wandered into this in-between space, and now they’re all gone…and I’m not sure where I am. (exhales) You asked for an existential answer, so…

Kate: You know what I’m gonna say right?

Jason: Yeah but say it anyway

Kate: I like this version just fine

Rogers enters the room and sits next to K

Roger: They grow up so fast don’t they?

Kate: Hey Roger, this is Jason. We don’t have kids.

Jason: Hi Roger.

Roger: Riley’s in there…making it with a boy

Kate: Making it?

Roger: A very complex snack, yes.

Kate: Oh

Roger: But it might as well be intercourse, the way they’re looking at each other!

Kate: I think that’s a big leap Roger.

Roger: Is it?!

Kate: …Yeah.

Jason: It’s like you’re jumping off a conversational trampoline.

Cut to Charlotte chatting with Isabelle in her office. There are plants all over the place. Isabelle is sitting at chair behind massive desk, Charlotte sits at dinky chair before it

Isabelle: God I hate this chair…always makes me seem so much more important than who I’m sitting across from…

Charlotte: Oh well there’s another chair in the hallway…I saw it right out there

Isabelle: So tonight I’m expecting a full house.

Charlotte: Mhm

Isabelle: You all ready?

Charlotte: You know we get full houses too, Isabelle. We ain’t fillin those seats with naked dummies!

Isabelle: Why did the dummies have to be naked, in that example?

Charlotte: Well, I mean, you know how hard it is to find a clothed dummy nowadays. It’s like forget about it.

Isabelle: Well, if you’re calling that a full house, maybe we should label this…a full mansion? That might represent the difference better. (chortles in forced manner)

Charlotte laughs back in louder, forced manner

Cut to Riley and concession stand boy, eating and sitting with backs to the wall behind stand, talking.

Riley in interview: Usually kids my age aren’t super excited with my sealife obsession. But this one’s listened to my most boring lecture about urchins for five minutes…freakin urchins!

Cut to Kate and Jason backstage, Kate pointing at rope

Kate: This is what gets pulled when the curtains go up.

Jason: It’s just as I imagined.

Kate: You want to touch it?

Jason: Really? Is that allowed?

Kate: Just this once, I can look the other way.

Jason: Alright, if you’re gonna rope me into this.

Kate: That was weak.

Jason (holding rope): Not as weak as this rope texture. Low quality nylon city.

Kate: Man, talk about rope burn.

Jason mimes setting Kate up with a volleyball and she mimes spiking it

Cut to Roger in lobby, peering over concession-stand counter at Riley and Evan

Roger: Psst! Riley! Charlotte’s asking for you!

Riley: Oh what for?

Roger: I couldn’t say…some sort of stagehand emergency!?

Riley: Where’s Kate?

Roger: She was struck by an escalade I’m afraid! Extra-large one at that. Broke her face right off.

Riley: Sounds like she can handle it.

Roger: Riley!

Riley: Roger! Go away!

Roger pauses, surprised, turns away

Roger in interview: No, no, I get it. It’s just a teenage thing. Dad! I love you so much I can’t even look at you! Go away before I hug you so hard you suffocate and die forever!

Cut to backstage, Charlotte speaking before crew.

Charlotte: Alright people, 3 things. 1. No matter how tonight goes I love you. 2. I expect you to pour your hearts out or you’re dead to me. 3. But I’ll still love you. 4. Even if you end up in the cemetery of my heart.

Ned: That’s four things.

Charlotte: Ned why are you even here?

Ned: To clean stuff.

Charlotte: Your presence is dirt, Ned. You’re a muddy, soggy, dirt-man.

Camera zooms on Ned, blank-faced

Charlotte: Isabelle expects us to fail tonight so what are we gonna do?

Elliot: Try not to?

Charlotte: That’s right Elliot, we’re gonna try not to. Hands in!

Crew: One-two-three-TRY NOT TOOOO

Cut to backstage, Kate about to pull up curtain. She looks over to find Charlotte miming rope-pull motion badly (looks like male masturbation)

Cut to view of stage, Elliot enters from the side with kids trailing him, trying to lick knee as he waves them off (murmers from crowd)

Camera zooms on Isabelle

Isabelle in interview: No, Charlotte did not mention children attempting to lick the grown-man protagonist.

Cut back to stage

Elliot: Oh! Will I never be able to take my pants off without ripping them from this dreadfully sticky cartilage?

He encounters pole on which there is a poster of his face, takes it off and reads it, slaps it and looks at audience

Elliot: Will I forever be mistaken as a Victorian-era sex predator?

Isabelle back in interview, looking wide-eyed, blank-faced at camera

Cut to makeup room backstage, Roger putting makeup on another actor

Roger: And then, the airplane took off just as I was throwing back my water. So you know it wasn’t a bad stain, but I showed up for the interview looking like I’d dipped my tie in a pond! Gone pond-dipping, if you will!

Actor looks at camera deadpan

Roger in interview: I’ve been told I have a difficult time discerning which of my stories are actually interesting to hear. So while I’m applying makeup to people and they’re trapped like rats in a cage I just get out all the ones I’m not sure about.

Cut back to makeup room

Roger: I did try popsicles once….there’s the source of my biting paranoia. People say Roger why are you sucking on that piece of bread? You know what I tell them?

Roger in interview, wide-eyed: Popsicles.

Cut back to auditorium where Elliot and Amelia are in scene together

Elliot: Oh how I longed for this! My cartilage unkissed, the shame of having no sensation in my liiipppss!

Amelia: But that is over now, I want your knee and not your lips, I don’t even care that you were into little kids!

Elliot: (singing stops) Oh, I was–never into kids

Amelia: (putting hands on hips and looking at audience) Even better!

Camera zooms on Charlotte as she laughs disproportionately to other audience members, looks around discouraged, then Jason, noticing, breaks out laughing from other end of the theatre, camera pans over to him. He elbows old woman next to him, who leans away and gives him death glare.

Jason: Sorry

Cut to backstage, where Kate and Riley are taking a break together

Kate: So I heard you were hitting it off with the concession boy?

Riley: He’s amazing! I talked about marine biology and when I stopped he was still there!

Kate: Sounds like it’s going swimmingly.

Riley: Know your audience Kate. I’m not your boyfriend.

Kate: Oh–he’s not–sorry.

Cut back to stage, where Elliot is being taken away from Amelia by doctors

Doctors: (singing) We can fix it! We can fix the knee! Make it sugarless just like God intended!

Elliot: (singing) No don’t do it! Do not change me just as I have been accepted!

Amelia looks after in fear as light fades. Darren walks onstage and announces intermission as the curtain falls

Cut to lobby of theatre, where everyone is gathered for intermission, lots of talk. Kate and Jason are standing against the wall.

Kate: How do you like it so far?

Jason: I love it! There’s more pedophile humor than I expected, but I love it.

Kate: You know I love it too. It’s like…original…in it’s own disturbing way.

Jason: I’d take it over Sweeney Todd any day, that’s for sure.

Kate: Oh, easy.

Pause

Kate: Hey, um…(smiles at him like she’s saying something uncertain, important)

From offscreen, someone calls “Jason!” and he looks over

Jason: Oh,–hang on

Sara approaches them and joins

Jason: Hey you made it! Kate this is Sara, my colleague slash boss I was telling you about.

Kate: Oh–hi! Nice to meet you.

Sara: Hey! Yeah I wasn’t sure if I could come, but, once Jason explained that Sweetney Todd wasn’t a typo, I knew I couldn’t miss it.

Kate: Yeah, well–I think I better get back. You guys have good, a fun good time of a night–(leaves)

Jason: Oh okay–see you after.

Sara: So what’d I miss?

Jason: Oh, so much.

Cut to Isabelle approaching group of theatre regulars

Isabelle: I am so sorry ladies…the director is an old friend, down on her luck, and I just thought I’d give her a hand, you know? Just give her a little nibble from the palm.

Regular #1: What do you mean? It’s wonderful!

Regular #2: Hilarious, for one.

Regular #3: Unabashedly outrageous.

Regular #4: And it’s not like any knee is ever just a knee.

Others look at her

Regular #1: Stop trying to be deep, Vivienne.

Cut to Charlotte approaching Isabelle

Charlotte: So…how bout the buzz in here? Like a damn bee-hive cocaine party.

Isabelle: There’s still a second act.

Charlotte: (leaning in and whispering) And honey it is gonna leave you weak in the sweet-knees.

Isabelle: m’kay (walks away)

Charlotte turns and surveys lobby with a smile

Cut to Riley approaching concession stand, sidles up to Evan

Riley: Hey

Evan: Hey

Riley: You like the play?

Evan: I could only hear it, but, it sounds interesting.

Riley: You’re interesting.

Evan: Huh?

Riley leans in and kisses him. He looks at her in surprise and her eyes widen in embarrassment before she runs away.

Cut to Kate sitting alone backstage, Roger approaches

Roger: Have you seen Riley Kate?

Kate: No, she should be here soon though.

Roger: You okay?

Kate: Oh–yeah, just, feeling a little bummed.

Roger: Ah. When I get the saddies I just think about people who are trapped between walls of spikes that are slowly closing in on them. That helps a bit.

Kate: Yeah, makes sense.

Riley appears and rushes past them into backstage bathroom, ignoring their calls. They follow and stand outside door.

Roger: Riley! What’s the matter?

Riley: I’m fine! Please go away.

Roger: It’s okay if you’re not you know.

Kate: He’s right Riley.

Charlotte shows up, checking if they’re ready.

Charlotte: Riley! We needja out there girlfriend.

Riley: Please! I basically just mouth-raped somebody and I need to be alone. I need to be alone with my mouth-rape.

Charlotte takes Kate and Roger aside

Charlotte: Alright, I’m gonna need you two to start things up. Roger you fill in for your nutty little offspring until she comes out. Which will be soon because guys, my flame is as bright as platinum toothpaste tonight, and I got this.

Kate and Roger nod in agreement, Roger lingers behind for a moment

Roger: Just make sure she knows I’m here if she needs right?

Charlotte: She’ll know.

Roger leaves and Charlotte pauses

Charlotte: Riley listen I know you’re embarrassed, but…the fact that you’re feeling that way? That means you’re doing it right! Because the only way to go through life without being embarrassed is to not live it at all…and that is worse than any embarrassment you can imagine.

Riley: I’m just so vulnerable all the time and I’m sick of it. Why can’t I just play it cool like everyone else?

Charlotte: Riley you’re gonna ask yourself lots of weird questions about yourself…why did I kiss the concession boy? Or like…can people see the stain on my crotch? How am I sweating so much? Why did I sleep with that obese man who was pretending to be a bear that night I went camping? Is it possible I had sex with some sort of man-bear hybrid? Seriously how is it possible for my body to sweat this much it’s like a damn sweat tsunami.

Riley: Okay I got it.

Charlotte: Point is…the answer to all these questions is that you’re human. (Head shifts to ground as camera zooms in on her) And that’s simultaneously the most embarrassing and wonderful thing you can be.

Charlotte looks back at door, waiting.

Cut to backstage, where Kate and Roger are messing with the smoke machine

Kate: Okay so we need to turn it on right after Elliot says, we have escaped!

Roger: When’s that happen?

Kate: Not for a while, we have time.

Elliot (from stage): We have escaped!

Kate: Damn, okay! We can figure this out, umm…this one says fog and this one says steam and then there’s mist, smoke, and…this last one just says sexy time.

Roger: Which one are we supposed to turn on?

Kate: I don’t know! (panicking) Umm…I don’t know!

Elliot (from stage): I said we have escaped!

Kate: Oh my god

Roger: OH MY GOD!

Kate: Let’s just do mist-no-fog. You know what they say when you’re in doubt go with fog.

Roger: (whispering) I don’t think that’s a saying.

Riley appears beside them.

Riley: What are you guys doing? It’s steam, not fog.

Roger: Steam! Of course. Isn’t it always.

Kate smiles at Riley

Cut to Jason and Sara in seats

Sara: I can’t believe I almost went to an air-sex contest instead of this.

Jason: Didn’t you say you had plans with your mom tonight?

Sara: (nonchalantly) Yeah. God I hope she doesn’t win, she’ll be so pissed at me.

Jason looks at the camera wide-eyed

Cut to stage, where Elliot and Amelia stand together amidst the steam

Elliot: I feel like maybe I overreacted, with all the kneecappings and whatnot.

Amelia: It’s okay. It brought us together.

Elliot: You’re right. I’d wade through a sea of kneecaps if they brought me to you.

Amelia: (sentimentally) That’s disgusting.

They kiss and the curtain falls, followed by audience applause

Cut to Charlotte alone backstage, eyes closed, listening.

Cut back to auditorium, where audience rises to its feet as actors come out on stage and bow

Cut to Isabelle, who reluctantly stands and joins the clapping before exiting the auditorium

Cut to Charlotte walking on stage with Kate, Riley and Roger. The four of them join hands and take bows. Charlotte thanks the audience and leaves the stage.

Cut to Charlotte entering Isabelle’s office, finding Isabelle at her desk, on her computer.

Charlotte: Hey Izzie

Isabelle: Charlotte I think we’ve got a few steps to go on the intimacy ladder before you calling me Izzie.

Charlotte sits down and shrugs

Charlotte: Why not take a leap? I mean I guess in that example you would just fall off and die, but…I’m thinking of it more like an escalator…no wait that doesn’t work either.

Isabelle: I get it.

Charlotte: I’m just saying I appreciate the chance you took on me tonight, and I think it’d be cool if we were friends.

Isabelle: ….I’m sorry can you get out of that terrible chair? I feel like I’m disciplining my five-year old. (Shrieking) Stop putting mommy’s hair-bands in the toilet Brian! You don’t want mommy to bring out her mad voice!

Charlotte: Is that…not the mad voice?

Isabelle: Oh not even close.

Charlotte: (smiling) Well that’s terrifying.

They both stand

Isabelle: Just be glad you guys did well! And you did do well.

Charlotte: Thanks.

Isabelle: I’d like it if you came back with your next production.

Charlotte: Will do.

Isabelle: (under breath) Because there’s no way you can do this twice.

Charlotte: What was that?

Isabelle: Nothing. (panicky) There are dead people in these walls. Who can talk because they’re ghosts. Who never learned to move through walls.

Cut to credit sequence outside the theatre, Kate talking with Jason and Sara

Kate: Thanks again for coming you guys.

Sara: Oh I am so thankful I did.

Jason: Seriously. That play was the bee’s sweet-knees.

Kate: How long have you been waiting to say that?

Jason: My whole life, is what it feels like.

Pause

Jason: Hey we were gonna go get a drink if you want to come?

Kate: Oh–um. That’s okay. I think I’m just gonna head home. Thanks though.

Jason: Okay, um, well hey congrats on the show (leans in and hugs Kate for a relatively long time) Um–I’ll see you later.

Kate: Bye guys

Sara: Bye Kate!

Jason and Sara walk away and Kate continues to her car alone. She’s stopped by Amelia and Elliot.

Elliot: Kaitlyn, wherever are you off to now?

Kate: Home

Amelia: What? You can’t go home already!

Elliot: Quite true, that’s unacceptable. Have you ever gone out drinking with actors before young Kaitlyn?

Kate: Can’t say I have.

Amelia: It’s a romp. We get all giggly and warm with each other, and after a few we even move kind of wobbly!

Kate: Sounds great! I mean it just sounds like drinking. But yeah!

Elliot: Off we go! Tallyho! I’m acting drunk right now but I will soon become the part.

Camera zooms on Kate smiling as the three of them make their way

END

 

Curtains Episode 3!

This is the script/jumble of dialogue and vague direction for the third episode of Curtains (you can read the first here and the second here), the mockumentary sitcom I’m writing about an offbeat theatre company. This one got real wacky. It involves Sweetney Todd rehearsals, a weird prop run for Kate, Jason’s first cleaning assignment, and Roger and Riley trying to stop a girl scout from outselling them during cookie season.

Open on Roger and Riley standing before group of disinterested teen girls.

Roger: As you all know, we’re introducing a new selling tactic this year.

Scout: None of us knew that.

Roger: Right, I haven’t told you. It’s simple, aggressive, effective. It’s….

Roger/Riley together: SAE!

Scout: That doesn’t really work as an acronym.

Riley: She’s right it doesn’t.

Roger: Not at all.

Riley: Why did we think that would work?

Roger: I have no idea, in retrospect yeah. I don’t know what to SAE.

Roger and Riley supress laughter

Riley in interview: Roger and I have basically been running troupe 19 for a few years now. Each year we have a competition to see who can sell the most cookies and we pretend like it could possibly be someone other than me or Roger. It’s adorable how they all think they have an equal chance.

Roger: Basically, you approach your potential buyer and you just put a cookie in their mouth. Just shove it all up in there.

Riley: I know what you guys are thinking, it’s wasteful BUT they will not be able to resist buying more.

Roger: Riley and I will now demonstrate.

Roger and Riley close their eyes, then turn to each other, pretend to be walking along. Riley then brings up cookie to Roger’s mouth swiftly and they turn to the troup.

Roger (muffled): Any questions?

Cut to Kate walking into work, accosted by Riley, who presses cookie against her mouth. Kate takes a reluctant bite.

Kate: Hey Riley.

Riley: I need you to buy some cookies from me.

Kate: Oh, girl scout cookies?

Riley: You betch’ur mother’s hat.

Kate: Sure.

Riley: Quick. Before Roger gets here.

Kate: Oh okay–is he trying to outsell you or something (jokingly).

Riley: SHyeah, in his cookie-based dreams. I turned off his alarm this morning. He’ll be gone for hours.

Kate buys some and Riley turns and runs to other crew members.

From behind Kate, Roger bursts through the doors with disheveled hair and his cookie selling sheet, runs past Kate then stops and turns to her.

Roger: Kate! How are you today? (presses cookie in hand to her mouth)

Kate opens her mouth and chews

Kate: I’m alright.

Opening credits

Cut to Jason at work, in break room. Sara approaches him.

Sara: Hey so, you haven’t been assigned a cleaning buddy yet.

Jason: Oh, I didn’t know we had those.

Sara: It’s me. I’m your buddy. (looks behind her at Mike, standing by microwave) Isn’t that right Mike?

Mike: You said it Sara (gives thumbs up and smiles)

Jason: Well, I was about to head to my first assignment. You coming?

Sara: Does this answer your question? (holds up palm, in which a sponge is duct-taped)

Cut to Jason and Sara standing outside super ritzy house, staring up at it.

Jason: I feel like my presence inside this place could only possibly add dirt.

Sara: I just wanna break everything.

Jason: I’m surprised they don’t have a maid.

Sara: They do now.

Cut to inside, where everything is a disaster

Jason: Okay. I feel better.

Cut to theatre auditorium, where Sweetney rehearsals are going down. Actors in character.

Elliot: That is it, I’ve had enough,  people with tasteless limbs think they’ve had it rough. I will show them! They will see! I will cut the skin right off of their knees!

Amelia: Oh Sweetney don’t you see how much I care for you!

Elliot: Once I finish them their wobbly legs will barely move!

Elliot approaches actor in chair and mimes slicing off their kneecap with shaving blade.

Actor in chair screams and wails.

Amelia: (Turning to face “audience” with hand on her hip) Talk about decapitation.

Charlotte claps vigorously.

Charlotte in interview: I really like how the play’s turning out. I think it’s hitting just the right mix of laughter and kneecappings.

Elliot in interview: Did you guys know I used to be on track for broadway? ….Huh.

Cut to Kate getting into her car outside theatre

Kate in interview: The one prop we still need are the kneecaps that Sweetney shaves off…and Charlotte found someone selling fake ones on craigslist. So now I’m going to pick them up, and yeah I’m pretty terrified.

Cut back to Jason and Sara at house

Jason: Okay you know what I think we need to do? Go into montage mode.

Sara: Montage mode?

Jason: It’s this thing I do with my friend where we pretend to be in a montage, you know? We hum these really fast songs as we do stuff, move around really quickly like from scene to scene, it makes work seem easier. Or maybe it’s just that we never really spent that much time cleaning when we did it. There might be some overlap though.

Sara: That sounds awesomely stupid.

Jason: Stupidly awesome, exactly. So, um, I’ll get the music going as we clean the windows?

Sara: Alright let’s do it.

Jason starts up steady fast paced bopping sounds, moving frantically to windows and cleaning.

Sara tries to pick up rhythm as they move from window to window.

Jason: CUT!

Sara: What?

Jason: Oh sorry it’s just the word we use for like, moving onto the next scene, the next task.

Sara: Oh okay, no yeah I got it.

Jason: CUT! Trash time.

Jason runs and takes out trash bag as Sara tosses stuff from the floor into it.

Jason: CUT! Switch!

Sara now takes trash and Jason throws stuff into it, keeping up the rhythm. He overshoots a pudding cup and it spills on Sara’s shirt.

Jason: Oh damn sorry!

Sara laughs and looks at him with mouth open, then picks up the cup and runs after him.

Jason: No! Don’t be puddin that on me!

Cut to Kate approaching craigslist house and knocking.

Man in sweater-vest answers.

Man: Hi there.

Kate: Hi, I’m here about the umm…the kneecaps.

Man: Oh that’s right you must be from the local theatre!

Kate: Yep!

Man: Well you just wait right here. You know I never thought I’d get a buyer for these things.

Kate (calling after him): You mind me asking where you got them? Just out of curiosity.

Man: Well my son Trevor used to be in little league, and, it’s just a fun little thing the team did to help him through his knee surgery.

Man returns with a net full of baseball caps.

Man: Here’s all of them.

Kate removes one of the hats, which has a picture of a knee on the front.

Kate: Oh–(laughs)-that’s actually really funny, umm, no what we need are kneecaps, like the body parts.

Man: Kneecaps? What kind of sick stunt is this?

Kate: No, I mean, not real ones. Like props.

Man: (growing stern) You telling me you’re not buying? My son’s just gonna have to do without that wheelchair he needs to move?

Kate: I thought he had surgery.

Man: It didn’t work out.

Kate: Oh, God, well…here just take it (handing money to him). Just a misunderstanding I guess. I’ll explain your situation to my boss, it’s okay.

Man: Well thank you very much.

Boy comes to door

Boy: Dad mom says she wants to talk to you.

Kate looks at man questioningly and man looks back at her sternly.

Man: It’s possible to have two sons you know.

Woman (from other room): Trevor did you get your father?

Man closes door.

Camera zooms on discouraged Kate.

Cut back to theatre, where Riley is talking on the phone to one of the other girl scouts, a new member named Tina.

Riley: (with faux enthusiasm and glee) Oh my God that’s amazing. Tina you’re crushing it. I think you might have a real shot at the crown this year because I’m kind of phoning it in. Pun! Cus we’re talking on the phone! (fake laughter).

Riley in interview: What is Kate doing to me?

Riley: Well, congrats! Yeah I’ll see you later. Keep it up! (hangs up and turns around).

Camera reveals Roger standing with arms crossed

Riley: She’s doing well.

Roger: How well?

Riley: She’s upwards of twenty boxes.

Roger: Oh this is bad…(paces).

Riley: You think I don’t know it’s bad?

Roger: What kind of dough is she working with?

Riley: Oatmeal! We gave her oatmeal and she’s slingin it like chocolate mint!

Roger: She has to be stopped.

Riley: How?

Roger: Slash her tires! Nope she’s 14. Take away her cookie license! No such thing. (stops and looks at Riley pointedly) Tell her that the state just instituted a new law about cookie licenses.

Riley: Roger stop it.

Cut back to auditorium, where Elliot and Amelia are standing alone on stage, arm to arm with backs turned to audience. Charlotte is seated in front, staring intensely at them.

Elliot: I feel like maybe I overreacted, with all the kneecappings and whatnot.

Amelia: It’s okay. It brought us together.

Elliot: You’re right. I’d wade through a sea of kneecaps if they brought me to you.

Amelia: (sentimentally) That’s disgusting.

They kiss and Charlotte breaks out in cheers.

Charlotte: That was amazing. I can’t wait for Friday you guys.

Amelia: Friday?

Charlotte: Right! I haven’t told you yet! How fun!

Elliot: We’re performing on Friday? Which is new information for everyone and not just me?

Charlotte: Yes–um, Friday. Isabelle from the Palace offered us a spot that just opened up!

Amelia: The palace? As in the city? Downtown? The palace?

Charlotte: I had to take it you guys–it’s a huge opportunity for us. And I know we just started rehearsals but, I have faith. I have more faith than a priest soaking bare-ass in a pool full of jesus blood.

Camera zooms on one of side-actors, clutching at his cross necklace with concerned expression.

Elliot: That’s all well and good–I guess–but this is going to be embarrassing for everyone, especially Amelia.

Amelia: Yeah!

Charlotte: Guys we can do this! You just nailed rehearsal, you all look fantastic, and Kate’s about to come back with the last prop we need!

Kate enters with net full of knee hats.

Charlotte: Speak of the devil! The kneecap devil!–a precautionary tale for kids who kick too much.

Kate: Charlotte–

Charlotte: They’ll get a kick out of it! Their last kick.

Kate: Charlotte–(Kate takes out one of the hats).

Charlotte (staring wide-eyed at hat): (after pause) What am I looking at?

Kate (hesitantly): A knee-cap.

Cut to Jason and Sara sitting down in now-clean house, taking deep breaths

Jason: Wow, we actually did it.

Sara: How did we do that?

Jason: That’s the magic of montage mode.

Sara: (after pause) That was definitely the most fun I’ve ever had cleaning a house.

Jason: Me too. Even with all of my prior experience.

Sara: (after pause) We should get going.

Jason: Yeah.

They start to walk out

Sara: I’m just gonna use the bathroom, I’ll meet you out there.

Jason: Okay, just, you know, hurry up because I wouldn’t want to incur the wrath of Mike.

Sara: (smiles and nods) I know.

Jason leaves and Sara lingers, taking an expensive-looking necklace from the entry hall table and putting it in her pocket before joining Jason outside.

Cut back to auditorium.

Charlotte: Okay, okay (taking short breaths) nobody panic NOBODY PANIC!

Kate: I’m so sorry Charlotte.

Charlotte: Don’t apologize Kate I understand. You’re too pure for this world, that’s all. You’re just a little naive goat prancing in a field of baby powder.

Kate: Right (looks at camera).

Charlotte: Okay! So we have no kneecaps. We’ll just have to use real ones! Where’s Ned?

Kate: Charlotte! Charlotte–I’m sure we can think of something that looks like a kneecap.

Charlotte: RIght, okay. IDEAS! (claps for everyone’s attention) Ideas for things that look like kneecaps.

Amelia: Potato skins! No–that’s stupid.

Extra actor #1: Cantaloupe slices?

Extra actor #2: Turkey?

Darren: Mannequin kneecaps?

Charlotte: Darren how are we gonna find those at a grocery store?

Darren: Does it have to be at a grocery store?

Elliot: What about potato skins?

Amelia: Yes!

Charlotte: Okay! Here’s what we’re gonna do. (Pauses, then walks out of auditorium towards office).

Cut to Roger and Riley spying on Tina from car, eating cookies.

Riley: You sure these aren’t ours?

Roger: Positive. Tina stopped me on the way to work and–

Riley looks at him with raised eyebrows.

Roger: Dammit she’s good.

Riley: No joke.

Roger: You know what she is–she’s the cookie monster!…no?

Riley: (tilts hand back and forth in “so-so” gesture) It just feels a little lazy.

Roger: Well, we can keep it in mind. Just as a backup in case nothing else comes along.

Tina is selling cookies to environmental advocates on the sidewalk.

Roger: Look at this…she can’t be stopped.

Riley: I hate to say it…but I think we need to bring out the big guns…there’s no time.

Roger: Right…(takes out vial of bird poop from pocket).

Riley: Wait no, what’s that?

Roger: (Nonchalantly) Bird excrement.

Riley: I meant tell her that J.K. Rowling is having a book signing in town because she’s a Potter geek…why do you have a vial of bird shit? Also how?!

Roger: It’s in case I stumble into someone I want to take revenge on. Just offer to make them a sandwich, pretend it’s mayonnaise, wa-la. Collected slowly over a period of twelve years. And watch your language.

Camera zooms on Riley staring at him with narrowed eyebrows.

Cut to Charlotte in office, Kate entering.

Kate: Charlotte I just wanted to say I’m sorry again. I screwed up, but…I really like working here and I want this play to kick ass and…I just hope I can make up for it.

Charlotte: Oh, we’ll be fine. It’s not like the kneecaps were a make-or-break prop. Not like the glitter anyways.

Kate: Right.

Charlotte: I think I might have screwed up myself…the palace theatre in the city offered us a spot on Friday and I took it.

Kate: Woah…Friday?

Charlotte: I know! It’s just…this woman I went to school with named Isabelle runs it, she’s been one step ahead of me my entire life and I just really want to go in there and light her stage on fire. Metaphorically if we do well and literally if it’s a disaster.

Kate: So you have options.

Charlotte smiles.

Charlotte: (after pause) I’m really glad you’re here Kate. Your job’s very safe.

Kate: (smiles and nods) Thanks.

Charlotte: Even if you did something crazy, like, light a stage on fire for example, we could always just say it was Ned.

Kate laughs in forced manner.

Kate: Good one.

Charlotte: Thank you. Because that was definitely a joke. Now about this making up for your mistake business…

Cut back to Roger and Riley in car, Riley calling Tina. From car window we see Tina answer phone.

Riley: Heeeyy Tina! Guess what? J.K. Rowling is in town today signing books! I’m literally standing feet away from her right now.

Tina: Oh, really? Wow! It’s amazing that you’re able to be at the bookstore while simultaneously spying on me from your dad’s car!

Tina turns and looks at them with death-stare.

Tina: Oh, and she’s in London today, as if I wouldn’t know. Amateurs! (hangs up)

Roger and Riley look at each other wide-eyed, then both get out of car and run at Tina, snatching her cookie sign-up sheet and tearing it into pieces as they run away screaming

Tina: Seriously?!

Riley: Eat it cookie monster!

Roger and Riley high-five.

Cut to Jason coming home from work, entering house to find Kate sitting on couch peeling potatoes, collecting the skins in a bucket. Potatoes are scattered about the room. She pauses and looks up at him blank-faced.

Jason: Initial thoughts? Several questions, super curious. Feels like I’m walking into a dream I had in Idaho? Especially interested in the particular arrangement of the potatoes sitting about here and there? Does it mean something? Did they just land in here after falling out of some sort potato wormhole in the ceiling? And most of all…am I prepared to get involved?

Kate looks at him with raised eyebrow, head titled, holding out potato peeler. Jason smiles and sits down next to her on couch, starting to peel.

Jason: So this is for some weird thing with the theatre right?

Kate: Yep.

Cut to end credit scene

Ned carries net full of knee-caps to the dumpster out back. He takes out one of the caps before throwing the rest in the dumpster and slips it on surreptitiously before walking away.

Cut to Ned at back-alley door, knocking. A bouncer answers.

Bouncer: You again. Look–man, like I told you–oh (looks at hat). My mistake sir, right this way (gestures inside).

Ned smiles smugly and enters.

Cut to interior of bar, where everyone is wearing a hat with a picture of a body part on the front. Ned sits at bar drinking. A woman approaches his side wearing a hat with a picture of a shin and foot on it.

Woman: Hey there…looks like we could get attached to one another.

Ned looks at camera and winks.

END

Curtains Episode 2!

This is the script for the second episode of “Curtains” (you can read the first one here), in which some auditions for Sweetney Todd are held, Kate’s sister shows up, Jason has an interview, and Charlotte struggles with her breakup. (Writing synopsis’ for these is so fun, makes it feel more real). I’m not sure how long a show this would actually translate to, so I hope this one doesn’t feel too short.

Open on shot of Jason waking up in bed, Kate has gone to work.

Jason in voiceover: I’m really gonna miss having Kate around in the mornings. We used to egg each other, read fake headlines to each other… (As Jason speaks we see flashbacks of J and K throwing eggs at each other in kitchen, then reading from invisible paper in their hands with deadpan tone and demeanor–“the snails invaded Portugal.” “Hmm interesting…because it says here that everyone in Portugal has suddenly transformed into a snail.” “Wow. The snail propaganda machine am I right?” “Talk about slimy.”)

Jason in interview, continuing from where he left off: …go to the store to buy eggs to actually eat but then just end up egging each other again…just the perfect way to start a day of no productivity.

Jason rises from bed and moves into hallway, where there is a trail of cereal pieces leading into the kitchen. He follows them and comes across a box of cereal lying on the floor with a kitchen knife shoved through it. He smiles, closes his eyes, and nods to himself.

Kate in interview, outside theatre: (grinning) I have no idea what you’re talking about. (Looks away and pauses as if trying not to say it, then quickly looks back at camera and points) But I guess there’s a cereal killer on the loose!

OPENING CREDITS

Cut to costume and makeup room, where crew is gathered around waiting for Charlotte’s morning announcements. All are present except Roger, who walks in momentarily

Elliot covers his ears until Roger takes a seat

Elliot: Jesus, Roger! Trying to make me go deaf mate?

Roger (turning and holding out hands in apology): Sorry, sorry everyone, should’ve tip-toed.

Cut to Elliot, who smiles at camera

Elliot in interview: I was bored one day a few weeks ago and thought it’d be funny to make Roger think he walked really loudly… I also like to pretend I’m Australian every now and then (looks down, then back at camera)…that’s unrelated.

Cut back to scene

Elliot: No worries mate.

Charlotte enters room and stops in front of everyone with an obviously forced smile

Charlotte: Good morning! Today is a normal day, and it’s not weird. Everything having to do with today is the same as it always is. Just another uncolored marker on the slow, painstaking road to death.

From the back, Ned claps and nods at camera

Charlotte: Oh my God…

Charlotte drops her notecards and leaves the room. Crew looks around in confusion for a moment before Roger rises and retrieves notecards, seemingly about to step-in for Charlotte. He looks at the crew for a moment before turning to Kate.

Roger: Kate! Would you read the announcements please?

Kate rises hesitantly and steps toward Roger, who hands her the notecards

Kate now standing before crew looking uncertain before glancing at card

Kate: Today! (Shouting)(quietly) sorry there was an exclamation point after today… (back to normal volume) we are having auditions for the roles of the sweet shop owner and his charming, knee-licking daughter Alexis.

Crew groans. Kate narrows eyebrows and continues to read card, which has anticipated this response

Kate: Relax, she’s nineteen, and as we know it is the only true way Sweetney can receive pleasure.

Crew groans again

Kate, continuing to read card reluctantly: I know, it’s lovely; a soul finding a soul, a knee finding a tongue.

Ned: What should I do today?

Kate looks at Roger uncertain, Roger acts as if Kate is pointing to someone behind him and looks around

Kate: Umm, does anyone have any suggestions for Ned?

Amelia: He could mop (turns to Ned), which is a fine skill. Some people have trouble with it, and I think we all know who I’m talking about.

Elliot: He could test out each theatre seat individually and grade them based on cushion quality, lumbar support, and the amount of gum stuck under the seat.

Amelia: It’s me. I was talking about me.

Pause

Kate, awkwardly: Well Ned, I can always let you know if anyone needs their act cleaned up (swings arm).

Camera zooms on Ned, blank-faced.

Cut to Charlotte leaving note on office door (“sick”–w/frowney face underneath), getting into car and driving away

Cut to Jason at coffee shop, sketching forest animals on napkins

Jason in voiceover: A while ago I tried to make this cartoon about a group of animal friends living in the woods. I was gonna do the voice of a raccoon and Kate was going to be his schizophrenic squirrel neighbor.

As Jason speaks we see drawings of racoon and squirrel, maybe eating pizza on the couch

Jason In interview shot: I called it pinecones…because there are pinecones in the forest, annnnnnd that’s it.

Camera zooms on drawing of raccoon and squirrel sitting on tree-branch

Jason (looking up from drawing): Together they have a lot of babies, I MEAN rabies (shakes head) spoilerrrrr.

Cut to auditorium in theatre, Roger sitting alone in front row, tapping foot nervously

Roger in voiceover: This is a bad day for Charlotte’s absence. I’ve never done auditions alone before. I’m usually nothing but Charlotte’s arm-candy. (In interview) They’re all going up there pouring their hearts out, and I just have to sit there and judge them. It’s a lot of pressure.

Man enters the stage holding script and greets Roger, waiting for direction

Roger, flipping through script: Yes! Alright…let’s just get started here on page twenty….fifty one

Man flips to page after some confusion

Roger: You’ll be reading for sweet-shop owner Mr. Daniels of course and I will be (squinting at page)….common thug stealing ring-pop.

Man nods and begins to read

Man: Stop! Thief!

Roger (in exaggerated baratone): Move aside old man, I gotz to get my sweet n’ tasty.

Man: I’m not in front of you!

Roger: I was speaking figuratively.

Man: My mistake, I thought you might have had some problem with depth perception.

Roger: Hush yourself candy man, ya’ll don’t know me.

Man: My cousin had the same thing. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Roger (getting emotional): You try not being able to see how far away a friend waving to you on the street is!

Man: Come now, how about a hug? Hugs at my shop come with a free ring-pop you know?

Roger gets up and bounds up to stage, hugs man, who is taken aback before hugging back

Roger, buried in man’s shoulder: That was fantastic.

Man: Thank you

Roger: I was fantastic.

Cut to Kate and Elliot backstage, Darren approaches.

Darren: There’s someone named Erica to see someone named Kate.

Kate nods and is about to introduce herself when Elliot stops her

Elliot: What the hell Darren, are you going senile or something? Kate’s right here, just like she has been for the last two months. I mean sure she’s not the most noticeable person out there but try and look around once in awhile.

Darren: Impossible. Nothing flies under the Darren radar.

Elliot: Well, looks like it’s met its match.

Darren and Elliot look at Kate as if examining something

Darren: My apologies Kate (walks away).

Elliot: That was great. We totally got him.

Kate smiles forcibly and moves head halfway between nod and shake

Kate: Totally.

Cut to Kate walking into lobby and meeting sister Erica, who is standing very straight and proper, looking around critically, dressed professionally with a handbag on her shoulder

Kate: Hey, what’s up?

Erica: I just wanted to come by, see what you were up to. (Whispery) This place is kind of dirty, isn’t it?

Kate: Um, how’ve you been?

Erica: Though I guess it feels like a step-up from dishing out fries and grease all day.

Kate: They usually come together.

Erica smiles pitifully

Erica: Come on, don’t get down on yourself. You’re gonna figure it out.

Kate smiles tightly

Kate: Great. Did you want anything else?

Erica: Just checking in. I better get back to the office actually, they’re assigning me a crazy amount of cases these days. But talk soon okay? (leaves)

Camera pans to Riley, listening from somewhere discreetly

Kate turns, encounters her

Riley: You know I heard this quote recently–”some people enter your life just to show you how not to be.”

Kate: Oh–did you hear–

Riley: I basically think that about everyone I meet.

Kate: Oh, so you weren’t talking….about that…

Riley, after pause: But your sister’s a dick.

Kate looks at her with small, surprised smile

Riley: She doesn’t even deserve to be called female genitalia.

Both laugh

Cut to Jason exiting coffee shop and picking up phone

Jason: Hello? Yes! (looks at camera excitedly)–Wow, seventeen and a half minutes? Oh you’re joking. Twenty? I can make it. (hangs up, looks at camera, runs).

Cut to Jason entering office. Sara looks at her watch

Sara: Twenty minutes and three seconds….

Jason: Dammit! I’m sorry.

Sara shakes her head in disappointment

Sara: Let me just check if my boss can make an exception for your sorry ass.

Sara gets up and takes one step into hall, then steps right back

Sara: Sounds like you’re good!

Jason smiles

Cut to Jason being interviewed

Jason: Recently I was just doing some construction work.

Boss: Oh what kind?

Jason, after pause: Horizontal dumbwaitering, mostly.

Boss just stares at him for a moment

From behind Jason, Sara opens door and enters

Sara: What do you think Mike, is he hired? (exaggerated smile)

Boss (mike) starts to say something, then retracts in fear

Sara: Oh that’s great, congrats Jason!

Jason looks back and forth between them, unsure. Mike looks at him and nods quickly with closed eyes

Jason: Oh, wow! Thanks so much, I won’t let you down.

Sara: It’s our pleasure Jason, isn’t that right Mike?

Sara in interview (whispering): My boss is terrified of me (manic smile).

Cut to Jason and Sara walking to his new desk

Jason: I guess I should thank you for whatever just happened…

Sara: Don’t worry about it, just don’t cross me. I MEAN Mike.

Sara walks back to reception and Jason looks after her with a smile

Jason in interview: I like my new boss.

Cut to actress auditioning for Alexis

Roger says hello and stands up before sitting down again

Roger: So today we’ll be reading from page forty-six, with you reading for Alexis and myself reading for Sweetney. 

Actress: Got it

Roger: Well Alexis, there is one thing you could do for me…

Actress: Oh?

Roger: This is going to sound kind of weird, but please know that it comes from a good place. A good, sexy place.

Actress (after pausing): Ohh?

Roger: The thing that you could do for me is to lean down and lick my knee

Actress (in suggestive tone): Ohhh….

Roger pauses and examines page, flips it over

Roger: And I guess that’s it for that scene…might not have been the best one to use for your audition…

Actress laughs

Actress: Yeah, I was gonna say…

Roger: I guess we’ll let you know?

Actress: Oh (nods in surprise)

Cut to Kate leaving theatre, Jason is waiting outside

Jason: Why hello, Mrs. Worker Bee. Meet the new Mr. Worker Bee

Kate: You got the job?

Jason: I got the job

They high-five

Kate: Dude, that’s awesome. So we’re married as bees now?

Jason: I’m pretty buzzed about it

Kate: Me too, honey

Both laugh

Jason: So how was your day? And other married questions.

Kate: You know those days that just kind of crush your self-esteem into a two-dimensional pancake?

Jason: Mmm. Sounds like you’ve got just enough confidence left for karaoke night

Cut to K&J entering bar, where camera pans to Charlotte, drunk at bar, talking to bartender

Cut to close-up of Charlotte

Charlotte (to bartender): I feel like this drink is as strong as…a grizzled laborer, constructing an axe….in Jamaica.

Kate: Hey, that’s my new boss.

They go over to Charlotte

Kate: Hey Charlotte

Charlotte turns to them and face widens

Charlotte: Heeeeyyyy it’s Katieee!

Kate: Hey.

Charlotte: I’m so glad you’re here! You have to sit with me. We have to get a table. (They move over to booth) Plant your ass or else it’s fired. (Grinning) Right? Cus I’m your boss.

Jason: Hey I’m Jason.

Charlotte (pointing): This guy. I knew you two were together since the moment I saw you together.

Kate: Oh, no we’re just friends.

Charlotte puts on coy smirk

Charlotte: Right. In the same way I was just friends with the girlfriend I used to have who I had sex with.

Kate: Hey are you okay? I thought you were sick.

Charlotte: Ooh busted! No Kate I’m just lovelorn. Can’t write that on your office door though. Everyone named Elliot thinks it’s an invitation to bump privates after rehearsal.

Kate: Damn, well let me get your next one (gets up from table).

Kate in interview: In these situations I find that it’s a lot easier to be the person who can’t say something because they’re not there than to be the person who can’t say something because they don’t know what to say.

Jason: I’m sorry Charlotte.

Charlotte: Aww you’re sweet. I’m glad you’re with Kate.

Jason opens mouth to correct her, then stops and nods with an mhm

Charlotte: You’re coming to the city with us for opening night. You’re carrying the curtains or something.

Jason: Oh, okay–do they not have their own curtains?

Charlotte: Always take a pair of backup curtains Jared, that’s theatre 101.

Jason: Well I’m in

Charlotte: We can’t pay you…we won’t pay you, so don’t even f*cking ask, okay? This is pro-bono (pronounces bono like U2 singer) (Kate sits back down and Charlotte chugs the new drink in one prolonged gulp) Ohhh–karaoke!

Cut to later, Charlotte drunk karaokeing while Kate and Jason talk at table

Kate: It’s just…I always thought I was okay just having the writing be something I did for me, for enjoyment, and just doing what I needed to do elsewhere to get by. And I still believe in that, but now it’s like…I haven’t written in almost a year, and I’m still working an entry-level job. I need to figure out how to make it a priority.

Jason: What about the theatre?

Kate: What about it?

Jason: Maybe you could write for them.

Kate: I mean, they already write their own stuff.

Jason: What was the name of their current production again?

Kate (smiles and nods): Yeah maybe they could use some help.

Jason: They totally could! You’d be the best playwright they’ve ever had!

Kate: Normally I would say you’re exaggerating, but…

Pause

Pan over to Charlotte, who is gesturing for Jason and Kate to come onstage as the talking head’s “road to nowhere” begins playing

They smile to each other and go onstage, taking mics and starting to sing before Charlotte abandons stage for the bathroom.

Kate and Jason exchange looks of concern before Kate follows Charlotte into bathroom

Cut to Kate standing outside stall as Charlotte throws up

Kate: Just let me know if you need help okay?

Charlotte: No, no, it’s all gonna be okay don’t you think?

Kate: Your stomach?

Charlotte: Yeah, but maybe like in a larger sense too?

Kate (pauses): Yeah, yeah I do.

Charlotte: Hey Kate

Kate: Uh-huh?

Charlotte: Ever done it in a bathroom stall?

Kate: What?! I thought you thought I was with Jason.

Charlotte: I haven’t, so…I was just wondering.

Kate: Charlotte I have to go…

Charlotte: Wait! Wait, oh god….

Charlotte steps out of stall

Charlotte: Kate I am so sorry. These last 24 hours…wouldn’t wish them on my worst enemy…or even you.

Zoom on Kate with confused expression

Charlotte: I just feel…hopeless.

Kate: Okay, Charlotte, even with the amount I know you, which isn’t a lot, I can tell that you’re a really, really, passionate person.

Zoom on Charlotte

Kate (shaking her head): I don’t think there can ever be no hope for someone with your much passion.

Charlotte: You said your much.

Kate: I know. I am not a good speaker.

Charlotte (holding out arms): I got two stretchy friends who beg to differ.

Kate smiles and goes in for the hug, cut to wide shot

Charlotte: We can go back in the stall if you’re feeling it.

Kate: Alright (releases Charlotte and walks away)

Charlotte: I’m kidding!

Cut back to theatre for credit sequence (montage of Roger in auditions)

Roger (as Sweetney): My knee craves affection…like a baby bird alone in its nest of honey-glazed sugar (wipes at eye).

CUT

Roger: So you’ll be auditioning for small child number five.

Cut to auditioner, middle aged man, who opens mouth in surprise)

Roger: Hmm….I’m not sure you have the right nose for it.

CUT

Roger: It’s almost like I’m auditioning for myself…and dammit if I’m not impressed.

CUT

Roger: Do you even care about knees?

CUT

Roger: Can I tell you something–that was great and everything–I have NO idea what I’m doing (laughs).

CUT

Roger: I feel like I’m riding on the plane of your performance…and baby it is first class seating.

CUT

Roger: You’re a libra aren’t you?

Auditioner: No–taurus.

Roger (under breath to camera): Definitely a libra.
END

Curtains Pilot!

I feel kinda silly about this, but I’m thinking about starting to post (very informal and not-properly formatted) episode scripts of the mockumentary-style show I’m writing that I mentioned in my last post. I have little idea of how entertaining they might be to read, but if nothing else, maybe blogging them will help me stay motivated to write more of the show. So anyways, this is the first episode of “Curtains,” a comedy about two slacker-y friends and a small-time theatre group. I’m pretty versed in slackerdom but not so much in theatre companies, so that aspect probably has some inaccuracies to it. I also apologize for some notes being capitalized while others aren’t. I don’t think I had any ideas behind the difference there.

Curtains

CAMERA OPENS ON TWO BIRDS STANDING OVER OPEN FOOD CONTAINER. VOICES ENTER FROM THE FOREGROUND.

KATE (MID-TWENTIES): You want it? Go ahead.

JASON (MID-TWENTIES): No no no, you got it.

Kate: It’s yours

PIGEON WALKS AWAY

Jason: You know what? I don’t even want it, actually

SECOND PIGEON WALKS AWAY

Kate: Wait! Are you sure? You’re not just being nice?

SECOND PIGEON WALKS BACK AROUND

Jason: Eugghhhge I don’t know….

CUT TO KATE AND JASON SITTING IN CAR WATCHING. KATE HAS SHORT BLONDE HAIR, WEARS A BLUE HOODIE AND JEANS. JASON HAS SCRAGGLY BROWN HAIR, WEARS A YELLOW HOODIE, STAINED T-SHIRT AND JEANS

Jason: Oh, oh you know let’s just forget it. Our friendship’s worth more than this.

Kate: You’re right. Let’s just go make some sweet feathery pigeon love

Jason: See I don’t get why you keep calling it that. It’s like if humans said ‘people love’

Kate: Do they not say that?

Jason (shaking head): I don’t think they say that.

CUT TO WIDE SHOT OF TOWN OVERHEAD, WITH ‘CURTAINS’ TITLE OVER IT

Jason in voiceover: I love the pigeon life

Kate in voiceover: It’s pretty fly

Kate in interview outside theatre: Today’s my first day as a stagehand. Two months ago I got fired from the fast-food place where Jason and I worked, and, in a ridiculous display of entry-level solidarity, Jason quit.

Jason in interview on sidewalk elsewhere: Yes, that was definitely a noble act of friendship and not just a good excuse to leave a terrible job.

Kate in interview: We call ourselves bum buddies….in the…less fun sense of the phrase

Jason in interview: Bum buddies? No…I’m still pushing for the boho bangers

Kate voiceover as she walks into building: Yeah but no…Jason and I aren’t together. We’re kind of the same person with different genitals. Our sex would be like…(cut back to interview shot) advanced masturbation.

CUT TO KATE ENTERING THEATRE BUILDING, TAKES A SEAT ON BENCH NEXT TO ANOTHER WOMAN. PAPER SIGN ABOVE BENCH READS ‘NEW EMPLOYEES!’ WITH SMILEY FACE BELOW IT. KATE NOTICES THAT THERE IS ANOTHER BENCH ADJACENT WITH A SIGN ABOVE IT READING ‘NEW EMPLOYEES UGH’ AND A FROWNY FACE BELOW IT.

Woman (Charlotte–LATE TWENTIES/EARLY THIRTIES. BROWN HAIR THAT FALLS JUST OVER HER SHOULDERS, WEARING WHITE SWEATER AND SLACKS) next to Kate turns to her slowly with a smile.

Charlotte: Good choice Kate.

Charlotte stands up and extends hand

Charlotte: Welcome. Your seat selection has shown me the kind of energy you’re ready to bring and I’m very glad to have you.

Kate: Oh, great.

Charlotte (nodding behind her): Ned over there sat down on the other bench last week and look where that got him

CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON JANITOR FIDDLING WITH PLANT

Charlotte: Came straight from New York, supposedly a hot new playwright, went through hell to get him here…then he sits down on the frowny face bench and I’m forced to make him a janitor. Still with his agreed upon salary of course…which let me tell you is a doozy.

CAMERA SHOWS NED (MID TWENTIES, SHORT BLACK HAIR, BLACK GLASSES WEARING A JANITOR’S UNIFORM) DUSTING PLANT WHILE LOOKING BLANKLY AT CAMERA

CUT BACK TO KATE AND CHARLOTTE

Kate: Are you the manager?

Charlotte shakes her head.

Charlotte: The wo-manager

Kate (laughing): Yes! A crucial part of the womanagement!

Charlotte (going straight-faced): Don’t steal my jokes Kate.

Kate (trying to figure out if she’s joking or not): Ohp–nope–mkay

Charlotte in interview: We have a great program here. We’ve been going for three years now and we still have nowhere to go but up (pauses and looks away, furrows brow)

CUT TO CHARLOTTE AND KATE ENTERING AUDITORIUM. ON THE STAGE THERE IS AN ACTOR STANDING CAPTAIN MORGAN STYLE WITH PANT LEG ROLLED UP, ASSISTANT RUBBING A DONUT ON HIS KNEE

Charlotte: This is good for you to see. Elliot’s in preparation for his role as Sweetney Todd in our new production

Kate: Oh Sweeney Todd?

Charlotte: Sweet-knee Todd. Couldn’t afford the rights to Sweeney Todd I’m afraid. Spent the money on a new janitor. But, we just gave it a little tweak, and now it’s a lovely little ballad about a man born with a sugary knee.

They watch the proceedings for a moment

Kate: Is that really necessary?

Actor (Elliot, LATE TWENTIES TO EARLY THIRTIES, SHORT BROWN HAIR, WEARING GREY TIGHTS AND CARDIGAN) shrugs

Elliot in interview: It might not be. I mean, showering with your leg stuck out of the tub for two weeks gets tiresome (SHOT OF ELLIOT’S LEG STICKING OUT FROM BEHIND SHOWER CURTAIN IN BATHROOM). But who am I to question Darren’s assistant process? (CUT BACK TO INTERVIEW) And when I take my pants off it smells like Christmas.

CUT BACK TO DARREN (EARLY FIFTIES WITH BUZZ CUT) TAKING COTTON CANDY IN FISTFULS AND SCRUBBING IT HARD AGAINST ELLIOT’S KNEE. ADDITIONAL STAGEHAND RILEY (MID TEENS, WITH LONG, CURLY RED HAIR, WEARING BLACK HOODIE AND JEANS) ENTERS STAGE AND IS CALLED DOWN BY CHARLOTTE

Charlotte: Here’s our version of you that actually knows what she’s doing, Riley! This is our new stagehand Kate, could you show her the ropes?

Riley:  You mean like, guide her through the job duties or like show her the actual ropes that we used for Pete or Pam?

Charlotte, muttering to Kate: The heartwarming tale of a transvestite hanglider who could just never-land the right date

Charlotte, louder to Riley: The former Riley

Riley: Got it

Charlotte: Riley can take you from here. I still have to buy glue to stick glitter on Elliot’s knee. (walks out of auditorium)

CUT TO JASON WALKING ABOUT TOWN WITH RESUMES IN HAND

Jason in voiceover: Well with Kate working now I’m feeling more pressure to…do something. The past couple months have been pretty slow (CUT TO FLASHBACKS OF JASON WANDERING AROUND THE HOUSE HE SHARES WITH KATE)…There was a period of time where I was determined to find a sort of secret passageway in our not-at-all-old-or-mysterious house….(CUT TO JASON KNEELING DOWN AND PEERING INTO CABINET BELOW BATHROOM SINK, THEN CUT TO HIM FEELING AROUND ON FLOOR FOR EDGES OF A TRAP DOOR)…Um, I tried to build a horizontal dumbwaiter, since the place is only one floor…there was a week where I bought a whole bunch of foreign language books…then stacked them up and….used them as a TV stand

CUT TO JASON INSIDE PET STORE

Jason: I was hoping to talk to someone about a job

Woman behind counter: Okay

Jason: Is there one available?

Woman: No

Jason: Okay, well…can I leave you my resume?

Woman: Sure

Jason: Would there be any point?

Woman: Oh no, none whatsoever

CUT TO JASON INSIDE COFFEE SHOP, TALKING TO MANAGER

Jason: You don’t even need, like, a greeter?

Manager: This is a coffee shop

Jason (enacting an interaction): “Hey, how you doin? Good? Cool beans!”

Manager stares at him blankly

Jason: You know because coffee beans. No? Okay. Your customers can just enter completely uncharmed I guess (laughs a bit).

Manager walks away

CUT TO JASON AT TOY STORE

Jason: What if I stuck my resume onto a random toy, and when that toy gets purchased, you have to interview me?

CUT TO JASON IN INTERVIEW, HOLDS UP $1 STICKER AND SMILES

Manager: You could just save me some time and throw it in the trash

CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON JASON

CUT TO JASON IN TOY STORE BATHROOM, STICKING A BUNCH OF HIS RESUMES IN THE TOILET AND FLUSHING

Jason to camera: Sorry but that owner was asking for it, hope he has fun unclogging this–(looks back down at toilet) okay they’re all going down….(shakes head) that’s worse than the trash…

CUT TO KATE AND RILEY WALKING BACKSTAGE

Kate: So how long have you been here?

Riley: The aquarium turned me down so my dad got me a job here.

Kate: You’re into sealife?

Riley (nodding): I’m still on track to become a marine biologist. Everyone says so. Except the aquarium. But they can eat my tentacles, right?

KATE AND RILEY ENTER THE DRESSING/MAKEUP ROOM WHERE COSTUME DESIGNER ROGER (EARLY TO MID FORTIES, WITH MID-LENGTH LIGHT BROWN HAIR, WEARING BUTTON-DOWN AND SLACKS) IS FITTING A DRESS OVER ACTRESS AMELIA (LATE TWENTIES TO EARLY THIRTIES, WITH PONYTAILED BLACK HAIR, WEARING RED DRESS)

Riley: This is Roger, costume and makeup

Roger lights up and approaches

Roger: Well, that’s a rather formal introduction there, Riley coyote, I’m also your father, one of your main squeezes!

Riley (laughing): Roger I told you that term does not apply to everyone you hug

Kate: I’m Kate, nice to meet you

Roger: It’s lovely to meet you Kate. We can really use another stagehand around here. Especially when the other one won’t even call me dad…..you know not that you should call me dad, I mean I’d be open to it, but…I just mean I’m sure you have a father whom you regularly address as such

Kate (nodding): I do

Roger: This is Amelia, come say hi Amy!

CAMERA ZOOMS ON KATE TAKING DEEP BREATH

Kate in interview: Meeting a lot of people today. More than I have in the past two months combined actually! It’s a good thing, right? And it’s not like my people skills have atrophied…(shakes head) that would imply that I did at some point have them.

AMELIA APPROACHES AND BOWS, EXTENDS HAND AS IF FOR KATE TO KISS IT. KATE PAUSES, UNSURE

Amelia: Oh I’m joking! Playing off the egocentric actress stereotype, you know (forces laugh). Really, I don’t think I’m anything special. I’m an underling, if anything. Incompetent, untalented, just an all around mediocre individual.

Roger:  Ah Ames, you’re trying too hard to come off modest again

Amelia: Oh hush Roger you know I’m terrible

ROGER LAUGHS AND SHAKES HEAD AT CAMERA AWKWARDLY

Amelia: Anyways it is so nice to meet you and I’m sorry that you can’t honestly say the same. You can come to me for anything but it’s unlikely I’ll be able to help because you know it’s me.

Kate, trying to laugh back: Thank you…I’m sure that’s…not…a thing

Amelia in interview: Oh, well, I’ve been here since the beginning three years ago. We were just performing in high school gymnasiums back then. But then the principal caught on and, we were kicked out. Thank you for interviewing me though (looks behind her and around for other people). Is everyone else busy right now or something?

CUT TO JASON ENTERING CLEANING COMPANY OFFICE, HE APPROACHES WOMAN (MID TWENTIES, WITH MID-LENGTH BROWN HAIR, WEARING RED SHIRT) AT COUNTER WITH HANDWRITTEN NAMETAG READING “BITCH”

Jason: Excuse me, I saw that you were hiring?

Woman (looks at camera with exaggerated smirk): Well we ain’t lowerin

JASON HAS TO PAUSE FOR HIS LAUGHTER

Woman in interview: First person to laugh at that

Jason: Oh God, well done, umm…(peers at nametag in confusion)

Woman: Yeah?

Jason: No it’s just uh….your tag there is…probably inaccurate

Woman (grinning): I put it on to see how many people actually call me that. Then I yell at them and kick them out. Keeps things entertaining.

Jason: Really I mean it seems like there’s plenty here to find interest in (gestures around at nearly barren grey office space and they laugh, then pause and the woman raises her eyebrows at him). Oh yeah so here’s my resume, and…maybe I’ll learn your name next time?

Woman nods: Maybe.

JASON GOES TO LEAVE

Woman (as Jason opens door): It’s Sara, with no h, just to…get that over with.

Jason (smiles and shrugs): Alright bish (leaves)

CAMERA LINGERS ON SARA, WHO PUTS JASON’S RESUME IN EMPTY “RESUME” BOX ABOVE TRASH, INSIDE OF WHICH YOU CAN SEE A PILE OF OTHER RESUMES.

CUT BACK TO THEATRE, WHERE RILEY IS DETAILING THE CHORES THAT STAGE-HANDS DO FOR ELLIOT.

Riley: Laundry every week. He likes his underwear done separately and one at a time.

ELLIOT ENTERS FROM OUT OF FRAME AND SHOOES RILEY AWAY

Elliot: Oh come now Riley she doesn’t need to know all this…(to Kate) just in case you’re wondering I promise you that’s for a good reason and it’s how everyone should do it and don’t come running to me when you find out why but the point is Darren’s got that covered.

Kate: Understood

Elliot in interview: Trust me you don’t want to know…I can’t even bring myself to say it.

CUT BACK TO ELLIOT AND KATE

Elliot: And the other point is that I wanted to give you a professional welcome

Kate: Oh thank you.

Elliot: And make a professional inquiry regarding your relationship status

Kate: Oh, no thank you

Elliot: You’re taken?

Kate: No, no, I mean–I appreciate it, I just, I’m not looking for someone else right now.

Elliot: Someone else? So there is someone who isn’t else?

Kate (shakes head and looks away): No, no–I think I meant, someone who isn’t me, who is–another person, besides just me and my…(pauses and makes outline around self with hands) form

CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON KATE

Kate in interview: Goodbye for the day, ability to speak. It’s been great having you.

CUT TO CHARLOTTE IN OFFICE ON THE COMPUTER, NED SPRAYING WINDOWS BEHIND HER

Charlotte in voiceover: Well this is where it all happens…the wheeling, the dealing, the giving negative feedback to ebay sellers who ship glitter a day late (We see her leaving frowny-face emoji as feedback) (Cut to Charlotte in interview) This is the boiler room of our theatre.

Ned (looking back): What does that mean?

Charlotte: It’s a titanic reference Ned, what kind of playwright are you?

Ned: That’s a movie

Charlotte (sharply, with forced smile): Alright how ‘bout less talking more janitoring?

CUT TO CHARLOTTE DRIVING HOME, STILL IN INTERVIEW

Charlotte: Leaving my minions early tonight…Vera’s planning a special dinner. (Looks at camera) And you thought Roger was gay! Except he reproduced so maybe not. Also I’m bisexual (waves hand over crotch) accepting all applicants! (cringes at self and shakes head) But anyways I’m pretty excited. We need to talk were Vera’s exact words. Which sounds different when I say it out loud than how it was in my head but I’m sure that’s just…..(shakes head)….I still think Roger’s gay.

CUT TO KATE LEAVING THEATRE

Kate in voiceover: You know it’s been an interesting day, which is more than my recent ones can say about themselves. (Cut to Kate in interview) My plans for the night include picking up a pizza, half-cheese for the people who like themselves and half-veggie for the people named Jason, then heading home for movie night. Which has been pretty much every night for the past two months (smiles and nods)…except that time we slept so long into the next day that when we woke up it was time to go to bed again.

CUT TO SHOT OF CHARLOTTE AND VERA THROUGH DINING ROOM WINDOW, VERA LOOKING DOWN AND SHAKING HER HEAD APOLOGETICALLY, THEN LEAVING THE ROOM. CHARLOTTE SITTING STRAIGHT UP IN CHAIR, PAUSING, THEN LEANING AGAINST HER HAND ON TABLE.

CUT TO KATE AND JASON SITTING ON COUCH EATING PIZZA

Kate: I got asked out today

Jason: Oh yeah? (taken aback)

Kate: By an actor who washes his underwear one at a time

Jason: At least he washes them

Kate: I’m getting to it

Jason: I was talking about me, but, I’m glad you’re gross too

Pause

Jason: So when’s the date?

Kate: I turned him down

Jason: Oh?

Kate: I don’t know I just feel…kind of content right now, relationship wise.

Jason: Content to be alone?

Kate: Well…(pauses) I guess. For now.

Jason: Alright…just so, you know, I just mean you should stay open to it.

Kate: Oh yeah, of course…and you–you too man.

Jason: Absolutely, yes.

CUT TO SHOTS OF K AND J DRINKING, WALKING TIPSY TO CONVENIENCE STORE AND BUYING MORE PIZZA, SITTING CLOSE ON COUCH WHILE WATCHING HGTV AND MAKING UP VOICES FOR THE PEOPLE ON SCREEN (–OH THIS IS HORRID. A HOUSE WITHOUT A SINGLE MONKEY DANCING IN THE SINK! AND NO BACON HANGING FROM THE CEILING AT ALL!–)

Kate in voiceover during this sequence: The thing about advanced masturbation is that it sometimes sounds kind of…awesome. But there’s always time for that. Maybe it’s good to have actual sex for a while first.

CUT TO ROGER AND RILEY IN THEIR KITCHEN DURING CREDIT SEQUENCE

Roger in voiceover: Tonight’s our experimentation night. We take random ingredients and food that you wouldn’t think go together and just stick em all up in one another’s business.

CAMERA SHOWS ROGER AND RILEY STANDING OVER PLATE OF FETTUCHINE, ROGER REACHING FOR JAM AND SPREADING IT OVER THE NOODLES WHILE CRINGING, RILEY THEN TAKES A BAG OF POTATO CHIPS AND TURN IT OVER WITH LOOK OF DISGUST AS CHIPS COLLAPSE ALL OVER PLATE. THEY ALMOST STOP, THEN REACH FOR BREAD AND PUT IT OVER EVERYTHING, PATTING IT GENTLY.

CUT TO ROGER AND RILEY AT DINNER, forcing the food down, looking at each other with strained smiles of enjoyment

Riley in interview: (struggling to speak, eventually just gives two thumbs-up)

 

END

The Internet, Writings, and Queen of Earth

Damn, my last post here was over a year ago now. The idea of blogging is fun to me, but the actual doing it is where things get covered in quick-setting cosmic syrup. But anyway.

-THE INTERNET-

The internet has been freaking me out lately. Not in a bad way really, but freaking me out nonetheless. I finally started a tumblr, and have been scratching the surface of what there is to explore within its dauntingly vast caverns of people posting cool ish. I love the kind of potential it offers for people from all over to connect through interests, however obscure or specific, and I think this positive aspect of the internet is in general not given the same attention that the potential negatives are (props to the last episode of American Horror Story this season for not feeling the need to throw any shade on Sally’s newfound happiness through social media). But tumblr is also very intimidating to me, because there is just so much out there to investigate and engage with. It almost feels like being on page 1 of an infinite book, or like the e-version of going to an observatory and looking up at the often wonderful whole of the e-universe.

-WRITING-

Writing wise, the past few months haven’t been too productive for me, though this past weekend I wrote the first short story I’ve been happy with since August, partially inspired by the weirdly located vent in my bathroom and my memories of the impressive hot dog making skills of the vendors on Ballard ave in Seattle. I’ve also been working on a mockumentary-style sitcom about two friends and a small-time theatre company (Uncomfortably close to the setup of Waiting for Guffman? Check) that has been a lot of fun as long as I ignore the voice in my head telling me it’ll never get filmed and the fact that I’m shunning proper script format. But I’m enjoying the characters and have cast most of the parts in my head, so anytime those NBC executives want to hit me up for my recs on that, I’m ready. I was also psyched to start the submitting year off with an acceptance from Jersey Devil Press, which will be publishing a weird detective story I wrote come March. There have been subsequent rejections, of course, but there always will be.

-MOVIES-

My need-to-see movie queue is overwhelmingly long right now, but I was lucky enough to catch one via netflix recently that FLOORED me. It’s called “Queen of Earth,” and it’s a terrifically psychological and slow-burning thriller about the unraveling of a talented painter with a killer central performance from Elisabeth Moss. It’s the first movie I’ve seen by writer-director Alex Ross Perry, whose brilliantly chosen camera angles here put us inside the deteriorating psyche of Elisabeth Moss’s Catherine (one of the most haunting characters of ever I do believe). I’m always drawn to psychological-breakdown movies, but Queen of Earth certainly carries plenty of objective merit. It’s alive, jarring, and wonderfully intimate. It also reminded me of my immense love for monologues in film, especially when they’re as amazingly acted as the ones delivered by Elisabeth Moss in this movie (her deliberately paced, neutrally-toned verbal evisceration of Patrick Fugit’s character ((the guy plays a great asshole)) towards the end is especially memorable).

queen of earth

But anyways, yeah. See it, it’s good. And til next time the frog smirks,

-Timothy

news and a couple things I like

Hello! An e-hand shake and maybe even an e-gentle pat on the shoulder to you. I’ve had this site for a bit but haven’t posted any blog content and the home page was looking sad so I figured it might be time to buckle down and blerg. As far as news goes, it is kind of premature news, but oh well; I have a few short stories set to be published and available to read over the next few months (update 7/8–links to these have been posted on the “published stories” page, which I will continue to update with new stories coming out). The acceptances have me feeling very encouraged and externally validated.Miranda July

Also, Miranda July’s new book and first novel, “The First Bad Man,” came out on Tuesday and It has been predictably awesome so far. I am consistently amazed by how original and just plain brilliant her writing is sentence by sentence. If you are unfamiliar with July, she does a lot of different art things (film, performance art, writing, etc) and is an altogether inspiring human being. Her book of short stories, No One Belongs Here More Than You, is one of the most important books of my life, acting as both a close friend and a giant, couldn’t-fit-inside-the-grand-canyon inspiration.

essieThe movie I am obsessing over at the moment is The Babadook, a psychological horror flick by writer and director Jennifer Kent. Essie Davis, who I don’t think I’ve seen before, stars and gives a mind-blowing performance as Amelia, a haunted single mother with insomnia whose child begins to fear a monster called the babadook is lurking in the house. The shots are wonderfully moody and atmospheric, and the focus on Amelia’s harrowed psyche is fascinating. I’m looking forward to watching it many more times.

And I think that shall do it for this here blog post. I know there isn’t any proper way to end these but it feels like I need some kind of snappy sign-off. Maybe some kind of tie-in with the website title? Like, ‘til’ next time the frog smirks’ or something. Sure, that will do for now…

til’ next time the frog smirks,

-Timothy